It’s a crazy and hectic world in which we live! Time often rules over us like a malevolent dictator; we watch the clock, we try to beat the clock and, of course, we often lose to the clock. We live by calendars, appointment books, computers and palm pilots. Life seems sometimes more about putting out fires than anything else. We often reside in an environment of rigid expectations and “shoulds,” dictated by others and by ourselves. In our inner world, we shift from past pain to present distress to future trepidation.
The notion of focusing on the moment may sound like a preposterous recommendation in this hurried existence. The way things are arranged, we’re generally not encouraged to behold and smell the proverbial roses. In fact, if we were so encouraged, a lot of us would be clueless as to how to go about such a foreign endeavor. But take heart, it’s not as difficult as you might think to make changes — and the rewards are bountiful!
Learning to live in the moment (also called “mindfulness”) is a potent tool in your repertoire of effective living skills. Changing your focus to the present offers an array of gifts because the present is such a special place to be. It’s where robust and satisfying relationships are nourished and where better communication and active listening take place.
The present is where happiness can be found and where laughter, play and excitement flourish. It’s where we find out who we are, what we think and what we want. It’s where creativity takes place and performance excellence abounds.
The present is where adversities and challenges — faced head on — teach us strength and mastery. It’s where we discover that we can be subjected to pain and suffering, and yet endure, even thrive. It’s where persistence and intelligent decision-making become the norm and where problems are solved, learning takes place and memory is enhanced. It’s where we can have sensory experiences of a thousand kinds. It’s where we have the power to promote physical and mental well-being, even when the body and mind have been plagued by illness. It’s where we engender hope and aspire to fulfill dreams for the future.
Living in the present is a choice. We get to choose where our attention is directed — the past, the present or the future — and we get to decide what we tune into on those channels. We have all the wiring we need to direct the focus of our attention.
My theory is that when deciding where one’s attention should go, a 10-80-10 split is a healthy guideline: 10 percent on the past, 80 percent on the present, and 10 percent on the future. You also get to choose what you focus on in those domains. And the choice of focus is critical to how well this time is used. For example, when thinking about the past, you can choose to focus either on negative meanderings that depress you or on uplifting memories that bring inspiration and warmth. This seems to be a no-brainer to me!
A sure way to learn to live in the present is to believe the following:
It is only in the present moment that you can discern what is really happening
The moment is to be appreciated, not judged
You have a choice about where your attention is directed
You do not have to be a slave to past, present or future negative thoughts
The power belongs to you
It is important to have compassion for yourself and others
You do not have to believe what your thoughts tell you or react to them
You have so much to look forward when you learn to spend the lion’s share of your life in the present moment! Remember the words of Captain Jean-Luc-Picard in the film, Star Trek: Generations: “Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.”
More information on living in the present can be found in my book on Positive Psychology, It’s Your Little Red Wagon… Six Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams).
Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D., has spent close to three decades helping individuals thrive and improve their lives through her work as a licensed psychologist, author and life coach. An expert in human behavior and motivation, Dr. Esonis specializes in the burgeoning field of Positive Psychology, the scientific study of optimal human functioning and the core strengths that can lead to the achievement of one’s personally-defined goals.
Her most recent book, “It’s Your Little Red Wagon… 6 Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams!),” is Dr. Esonis’s contribution to the field of Positive Psychology, presenting proven success factors and strength-building techniques that can lead individuals to a life of purpose, motivation and happiness. It is available on Amazon.com.
Dr. Esonis earned her doctoral degree at Boston College and currently maintains a life coaching practice in the San Diego area. She also teaches Positive Psychology in the Extended Learning Program at California State University San Marcos. To learn more about the power of Positive Psychology and to order her latest book, visit her website at http://www.PositivePathLifeCoaching.com
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