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Positive Thinking Psychology – How It Works

July 23, 2009 By Eric Putnam Leave a Comment

By Abhishek Agarwal -

Take for example, the cell phone that has become an indispensable gadget for every one all over the world today. It too once used to be an impossible dream, however, it was the positive attitude and will of one single individual that made it possible and accessible to billions of people today. If the inventor was pessimistic and had gotten depressed with the numerous failures he might have encountered on his way, we would not be talking to our dear ones on a handy and mobile phone today. It clearly manifests the applicability of the principle that what the mind can visualize, the human body is capable of achieving it.

Ones Psychology and Positive Thinking play a crucial role in countering negative tendencies

The feeling of joy born out of a positive and healthy existence is unbeatable. Ones life condition becomes such that one feels lively, happy and capable of taking on anything in this world. The future looks all bright and brimming with hope and fulfillment. One feels the thankfulness of being alive from ones core. Life just looks perfect – flawless!

In reality, however, it all sounds to good to be true. The people nowadays are surrounded by so many worries and fears stemming from various issues related to relationships, finance, career, family life, office etc. that taking out time to think positively becomes a rare activity. Positive thinking by its very meaning is all about the state of one?s mind rather than one?s actions. Of course the state of mind eventually gets manifested in the form of actions, but it all starts from ones brain. You must firmly believe and be confident about the fact that you are endowed with all sorts of capabilities, health and attitude to taste success. This is also known as positive affirmation.

A synonym often used for positive affirmation is self-suggestion. However, self-suggestion refers to the method by which one can rid oneself of all the negative thoughts that stop him/her from thinking positive. Subjecting oneself to repeated self-suggestions can work wonders on the individual by leading him/her to a life state full of positive thoughts.

You can even opt for the strategy of recording all your self-suggestions and positive affirmations on a CD with a background music score and playing it regularly while driving to work or when relaxing. This method helps immensely in driving certain thoughts home and ensuring their absorption and manifestation in a very successful manner.

Positive Thinking – A Self-Learning Process

It is often commented in the psychology parlance that what the mind visualizes, body is capable to achieve. It is the mind that is the center of ones existence and determines all the actions of a person. Thus, if you are able to visualize success in you mind, your body and your surroundings start working towards the accomplishment of that goal in a very spontaneous manner. The more positive thoughts you feed your mind with, the more positive results you will see in your environment.

It is very important that you do not confuse positive thinking with daydreaming. Positive thinking is much more rooted in the reality of our day-to-day existence as compared to dreaming. It instills in us the ability to respond to the situations in a positive manner, thus helping us change the circumstances for better.

Another great benefit that you stand to gain from the habit of positive thinking is that it will help you through the difficult times of your life. So even when the tides are not in your favor, you will be able to derive the strength to keep pushing on and emerge victorious over yourself.

Abhishek is a Self-Development expert and he has got some great [http://www.Positive-You.com/689/index.htm]Positive Attitude Secrets up his sleeves! Download his FREE 87 Pages Ebook, Positive Attitude For Unlimited Success from his website http://www.Positive-You.com/689/index.htm. Only limited Free Copies available.

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Stop Thinking Like a Victim! Self-Pity is a Roadblock to Your Happiness and Self-Confidence

July 2, 2009 By Eric Putnam Leave a Comment

By Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D.

Casting yourself in the role of victim in your inner world and in your public persona is a straight shot to pain, disappointment and ineffectiveness. This misguided approach marginalizes your ability to live a fruitful, powerful and rewarding existence. It restricts your options, blocks your ability to make your goals and dreams come true and can weaken your confidence in yourself. Believing you are a victim and acting like one can have seriously negative effects on your relationships. Think for a moment about how people who immerse themselves in the victim role are not much fun to be around!

Martin Seligman, the world-renowned Positive Psychologist, explains that “victimology” — blaming our problems on other people and circumstances — is directly related to the concept of learned helplessness. Learned helplessness is a well-documented phenomenon in which an individual does not believe that his/her actions matter in terms of how things turn out. The victim role is a form of self-pity. The Scottish philosopher Dr. Megan Reik explains, “There are few human emotions as warm, comforting and enveloping as self-pity. And nothing is more corrosive and destructive. There is only one answer; turn away from it and move on.”

Are you are caught in this trap? If so, extricating yourself might just well be one of the healthiest changes you’ll ever make. It is not only your right, but more importantly your responsibility, to decide if the victim role serves you or imprisons you. In my experience as a psychologist working with many clients, the victim role is a form of psychological paralysis.

No matter who or what has “done you wrong,” it will not bring you psychological health and self-confidence to espouse the victim mentality. By definition, a victim is one who has been injured, destroyed, tricked, duped or given a raw deal; and even if you have experienced something devastating and/or patently unfair, this approach is absolutely not a viable solution.

Victims are often poisoned by resentment of others and self-denigration. If you have been seriously abused and cannot get past your injuries, I would recommend you seek professional help. This can be tough territory to go alone. Otherwise, get past it by looking at it from the power point. Power comes from letting these things go.

How do people get seduced by the victim role? I can think of some ways. There may be increased attention from others who feel sorry for the self-anointed victim. Or feeling like a victim might serve as an excuse to avoid some circumstance that evokes fear or that is regarded as distasteful. Or perhaps, ensconcing oneself in this role is a way to feel special. Whatever the reason, it leads me to believe that we bipedal primates of the species, Homo sapiens, sometimes use our high-powered brains to “snooker” ourselves!

The victim role is yet another example of thoughts and beliefs gone amok. Just as in the other types of destructive self-talk, identify the thoughts, beliefs and expectations that are faulty, then counter them with an empowering, non-reactive discourse. Identify instances in your thinking and imagery in which you have ordained yourself the dreaded victim. Use distraction techniques, such as thought stopping, to reduce the frequency, intensity and duration of your misguided thinking and disputing techniques to challenge these clearly counterproductive thoughts and images. Develop visual imagery and a dialogue in which you are powerful, determined, brave and successful.

You can find more information on this subject in my book on Positive Psychology, It’s Your Little Red Wagon… Six Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams).

Seligman, M., (2002) Authentic Happiness The Free Press. New York, New York

Copyright 2009. Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D.

Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D., has spent close to three decades helping individuals thrive and improve their lives through her work as a licensed psychologist, author and life coach. An expert in human behavior and motivation, Dr. Esonis specializes in the burgeoning field of Positive Psychology, the scientific study of optimal human functioning and the core strengths that can lead to the achievement of one’s personally-defined goals.

Her most recent book, “It’s Your Little Red Wagon… 6 Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams!),” is Dr. Esonis’s contribution to the field of Positive Psychology, presenting proven success factors and strength-building techniques that can lead individuals to a life of purpose, motivation and happiness. It is available on Amazon.com.

Dr. Esonis earned her doctoral degree at Boston College and currently maintains a life coaching practice in the San Diego area. She also teaches Positive Psychology in the Extended Learning Program at California State University San Marcos. To learn more about the power of Positive Psychology and to order her latest book, visit her website at http://www.PositivePathLifeCoaching.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?Stop-Thinking-Like-a-Victim!-Self-Pity-is-a-Roadblock-to-Your-Happiness-and-Self-Confidence&id=2211006

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Positive Psychology – What it is and How to Use It

July 1, 2009 By Eric Putnam Leave a Comment

In the early days, psychology was mainly about research. They wanted to understand how reflexes worked (touch a hot stove… Ouch! Move your hand away), perception worked (I see an old lady… now I see a princess…) and how behavior worked (dog sees food… it salivates). When psychology started it had 3 aims: treat and cure mental illness, support ‘creative genius’ or prodigies which back then may have been mistaken for mental illness, and help every day people live better lives.

Mental illness became a popular topic after WWI and WWII. Psychologists who used to play in labs and give lectures all day had new career opportunities. They could treat people who were coming home from war plagued by mental illness. And poof… A lot of funding and money poured into studying how to fix what was wrong with people. Well in 2008, we now know A LOT about what is wrong with people. We have treatments for most mental illnesses and even some cures. We also know a lot about creative genius, but as a whole psychology did not know a lot about your every day Joe. So in 1998 Dr. Martin Seligman created a new field in psychology… positive psychology.

Seligman spent most of his life studying depression and proved that depression is learned. Then he asked, what about optimism? For a long time, psychologists thought that if you took a person who was depressed and took their depression away, you’d have a happy person. But that’s not true. Just because you don’t have a cold, doesn’t mean you are optimally healthy.

Just because you aren’t depressed doesn’t mean you feel vibrant, joyful and love your life. The field of positive psychology, sometimes referred to as the science of happiness, uses the same scientific rigor that has been applied to studying what’s wrong with people and how to fix them, to understanding the breadth of human potential.

Positive psychologists conduct research on things like optimism, resilience, grit, hope, joy, awe, strengths, happiness, flow, prayer, and humor. Anyone can apply the research that has come out of positive psychology into their lives and careers. Practitioners such as psychologists, therapists and life coaches, use positive psychology to find what is already working with clients and help them build their strengths, find engagement and meaning in their life.

They help them feel happier and more fulfilled. Positive psychology is different than “happiology”. We are not advocating people be happy, happy, happy all the time. It’s extremely important to feel angry, frustrated and sad when it is appropriate. Positive psychology is about what Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar calls, “the permission to be human.”

That is, feeling all the emotions that human beings feel as opposed to trying to tell ourselves we should be happy all the time. It’s about allowing yourself to feel all emotions as they come up without getting stuck. For a long time, psychology did not give people the permission to be human. The field was heavily skewed on the side of mental illness, positive psychology is about evening out the scale.

Bringing as much focus to the positive side of life as we have to the negative. The research coming out of positive psychology is fascinating. Never before have scientists ran double-blind placebo studies on things like happiness, gratitude and optimism. Now, you might be thinking, why bother conducting a research study to find out that doing good things for others can help you feel better? I completely agree with you. Inherently we know those things are good and we should do that. But, how many miserable or slightly unhappy people do you come across in your life? How many people do you know that go out of their way to do something nice for someone else?

Even better, go out of their way for a complete stranger? Research shows that you can dramatically and instantaneously improve your happiness level just by doing something nice for someone else. These people are happier, have better relationships, are more liked by others and feel better about themselves. Yes, we know that doing these things can benefit our lives. But we forget. Or we don’t realize the impact it can have on us. Sound scientific research is powerful stuff. A study showed that sales people who learn skills on becoming more resilient and optimistic were three times more successful than their depressed counterparts.

If you’re a company owner, that’s a big deal. Research shows that engaging in work that enables you to use your strengths and what you are naturally good at not only enables you to be happier but also more effective. Makes sense right? But how many people do you know that actually get to do what they are good at and love to do every day? Positive psychology is unique from self-help and pop psychology.

Its founder Martin Seligman is very clear that positive psychology should be descriptive, rather than prescriptive. Meaning, rather than doing research about what increases happiness and then telling people what to do with their lives, positive psychology should describe the research on these topics. According to Seligman, people conduct sound studies on topics such as resilience, gratitude and prayer, figure out how these things affect people and the mechanisms by which they work.

Then they educate people on what the research shows. For example, studies show that expressing increases your experience of positive emotions and reduces symptoms of depression. Grateful people are more optimistic about future events, feel more connected with others and even report better quality sleep. As scientists conduct these studies they aim to understand the mechanisms involved in gratitude: how does it work? Why does it work?

Positive psychologist say, “show people the research, help them make informed decisions about what would work best in their life.” This is powerful and profoundly different from prescribing or telling people how to live their lives. As a positive psychology based life coach, I combine both a descriptive and a prescriptive approach. I describe positive psychology based approaches for creating the positive change clients want to see, and I make suggestions based on what has worked for me and others.

As a field, positive psychology has taken off. Just Google “happiness” + “study” and look at how much happiness has been in the media recently. Try words like resilience, joy, humor, strengths, grit, life satisfaction and you’ll see that positive psychology is rapidly expanding. The formal definition of positive psychology, a la Wikipedia, is “the scientific study of the strengths and virtues that enable individuals and communities to thrive.” Every month there are more and more fascinating studies coming out in the field. We have barely scratched the surface of what we understand to be these strengths and virtues, nevertheless, positive psychology is transforming people’s lives worldwide.

Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, MAPP, RYT, is an international life coach, speaker and founder of Flourish, Inc., an organization dedicated to enabling individuals and organizations in unleashing their potential using positive psychology, yoga and alternative therapies. She holds a master’s degree in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania where she studied under the founder of the field, Martin Seligman. Emiliya is the featured success coach for the National Society of Leadership and Success, a former Penn Resilience Program Facilitator, contributing author for Positive Psychology News Daily, and holds additional certification in Vinyasa Yoga 200-hr, Reiki, Laughter Yoga, Thai Massage, Brain Gym, and Yoga Education. Sign up for a free weekly newsletter and receive a free copy of Fix Your Thoughts, Change Your Life at http://flourishwithemiliya.com/Test/gen-step1.php

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The Thorny Maze of Expectations, Part 2 – Take Care When Deciding What Not to Expect of Yourself

June 24, 2009 By Eric Putnam Leave a Comment

By Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D. -

There is a hidden source of power or pain that often goes unaddressed by many individuals. Truth is, expectations can have a far-reaching impact on how people live their lives and the goodies they reap along the way. Expectations are assumptions about the future — what will occur or what should occur — and they can profoundly influence your relationships, your self-confidence, your happiness and your ability to navigate your path in life.

What a huge mistake it is to ignore, deny or simply cling to expectations that have little or nothing to do with how things really work. Expecting too little or too much, or expecting inappropriate things of ourselves, other people in our lives and the world in which we live, can cause utter chaos and confusion. Such a thorny maze!

Unrealistic expectations can set you up for disappointment, ineffective behavior and even depression. Remember: expectation minus reality = frustration! Changing your expectations to those that are smart and adaptable will serve you well, and it’s not as difficult as you might imagine. Doing so involves paying particular attention to reality and possibility, flexibly negotiating the two again and again. By choosing carefully, your expectations can lead to powerful plans and behavior. Let’s take a look at the second of three installments on expectations: What not to expect of yourself.

Don’ts

Don’t expect to be perfect

It’s not going to happen, no matter who you are or how hard you try to make it so. Expecting to be something that’s impossible is a straight shot to trouble and disappointment. It consumes so much energy to follow this particular brand of dead-end thinking. You can be excellent, but not perfect, at some chosen goals and just plain mediocre at others that don’t matter much at all. Make the decision to be selective about what endeavors merit your finest efforts, and then plan to revel in your accomplishments, even the ones that may fall short of the mark.

I have witnessed the emotional turmoil of too many people who have this particular belief system with its ridiculous expectations. Believing that only one outcome (the perfect one!) is acceptable is incompatible with emotional health and creative living.

Think about it for a moment. If something has to be done to a tee, there’s not much room for exploration, discovery, spontaneity and joy. Costly, debilitating and not much fun! Keep in mind that the perfectionist is worried about all the details of the outcome. That’s a powerful way to put out the fire and marginalize whatever gains you make. This also makes it hard to be open to unexpected and/or disguised opportunities.

As David Burns, psychiatrist and author of Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy (1992, 1999), explains, “Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person.”

Don’t expect to achieve your goals and dreams without some failures, obstacles and prickly interruptions

If you live by the misguided philosophy that goals and dreams should be achieved without incurring any difficulties or stumbling blocks, let me encourage you to get acquainted with what really goes on in this world.

When you don’t anticipate that intervening twists of fate will occur (and they inevitably do), you put yourself into a reactive, helpless mode. This approach, often laced with disappointment and disillusionment, can put a dent in your self-confidence and lead you down a road to the blame game. Your energy becomes directed at blaming someone or something: yourself, your luck, the weather or any person within striking distance. What a colossal waste of momentum! Instead of getting on with things, your persistence takes a real hit.

Adopt a winning strategy for normalizing life’s curve balls as just part of the game; expect them, look for the silver lining in each one. Jon Kabat-Zinn, psychologist and expert in Mindfulness-Based Stress Management, suggests, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Be an optimist who sees the possibilities in every mishap and shapes her expectations accordingly.

Don’t expect success on your time schedule

If you expect success in a time frame of your choosing, you may well be in for a large dose of disappointment. More often than not, things just take longer than you prefer — just one more of life’s pesky realities. In this fast-paced world with so many things immediately available, it’s no wonder people get all mixed up on this one. You may feel entitled to have your dream today without all the wear and tear — an expectation of quick, easy results. This often differs markedly from what will actually happen. The healthy thing to do is to develop flexible, realistic expectations regarding the time variable.

Don’t make your choices because of the expectations of others

We’re often held hostage by the way others see us and expect us to behave. By caring too much about what other people think is right for you, you may lose sight of what really matters. When it comes to your potential and fondest desires, other people may understand and support you, or may be clueless, or may not care or may even have contravening ideas that serve their own goals and agendas.

The point of power for you is to make decisions for yourself. If someone is in your corner, evaluate his or her recommendations in terms of what kind of a fit they are for you. The only person to whom you owe complete allegiance about your life is you. Period.

Bottom line — figure out what expectations are conducive to supporting your philosophies and paving the path of your heart, and then proceed with them. Be assertive with others when they are over the boundary lines of your personal rights and responsibilities. You, and only you, get to decide what to expect from yourself.

You can find more information on expectations in my book on Positive Psychology, It’s Your Little Red Wagon… Six Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams), available on Amazon.com.
Copyright 2009. Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D.

Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D., has spent close to three decades helping individuals thrive and improve their lives through her work as a licensed psychologist, author and life coach. An expert in human behavior and motivation, Dr. Esonis specializes in the burgeoning field of Positive Psychology, the scientific study of optimal human functioning and the core strengths that can lead to the achievement of one’s personally-defined goals.

Her most recent book, “It’s Your Little Red Wagon… 6 Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams!),” is Dr. Esonis’s contribution to the field of Positive Psychology, presenting proven success factors and strength-building techniques that can lead individuals to a life of purpose, motivation and happiness. It is available on Amazon.com.

Dr. Esonis earned her doctoral degree at Boston College and currently maintains a life coaching practice in the San Diego area. She also teaches Positive Psychology in the Extended Learning Program at California State University San Marcos. To learn more about the power of Positive Psychology and to order her latest book, visit her website at http://www.PositivePathLifeCoaching.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sharon_S._Esonis,_Ph.D.

Filed Under: Positive Psychology Tagged With:

The Thorny Maze of Expectations – Part 1 – Take Care When Deciding What to Expect of Yourself

June 23, 2009 By Eric Putnam Leave a Comment

By Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D. -

There is a hidden source of power or pain that often goes unaddressed by many individuals. The truth is, expectations can have a far-reaching impact on how people live their lives and the goodies they reap along the way. Expectations are assumptions about the future — what will occur or what should occur — and they can profoundly influence your relationships, your self-confidence, your happiness and your ability to navigate your path in life.

What a huge mistake it is to ignore, deny or simply cling to expectations that have little or nothing to do with how things really work. Expecting too little or too much, or expecting inappropriate things of ourselves, other people in our lives and the world in which we live, can cause utter chaos and confusion. Such a thorny maze indeed!

Unrealistic expectations can set you up for disappointment, ineffective behavior and even depression. Remember this phrase: Expectation minus reality = frustration! Changing your expectations to those that are smart and adaptable will serve you well, and it’s not as difficult as you might imagine. Doing so involves paying particular attention to both reality and possibility, flexibly negotiating the two again and again. By choosing carefully, your expectations can lead to powerful plans and behavior.

What to Expect of Yourself — The “Do’s”

Do expect to have a wonderful future, to achieve many of your goals and dreams

Be an optimist! One of the key components of optimism is the belief in your own power to make your life and future better. Optimism is about positive, can-do beliefs, expectations, choices and strategies, about knowing you are responsible for your life and your dreams.

As a psychologist, I come across many individuals who do not have dreams or expectations that the future holds all kinds of possibilities. They might have had them once, but somewhere along the way the dreams were lost, defeated or forgotten. Such a sad surrender! There really is nothing quite like having dreams and believing in them. You must believe you have what it takes to succeed. Have confidence that you can achieve superlative things! Expect that your choices and actions will affect the outcomes in your life. You must also trust that you deserve to bring your goals and dreams to fruition.

Do expect trouble and that you can get up if you fall down

Turning troubles into growth, bouncing back from tragedy, trauma and failure, believing that life’s difficulties are surmountable and that the future holds the promise of renewal and opportunity, are the distinguishing marks of resilience. Resilient individuals believe they can get back up no matter how stinging the adversity, that they have the wherewithal to fight back and win when the going gets tough. They know that by facing the black clouds they will have the opportunity to become more confident, accomplished and powerful.   Robert Strauss, the influential American politician and diplomat, proposes an important guideline for persisting during tough times: “It’s a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired – you quit when the gorilla is tired.”

The resilient individual knows the three important realities of adversity:

Reality #1 — Bad things happen to everyone. Really bad things happen to many people.

Reality #2 –  We often have little or no control over the occurrence of traumatic events and serious problems.

Reality #3 — We have a choice about how we perceive, react to and utilize these situations.

Some people expect to be overwhelmed by very stressful events to the point where they’re out of commission; others expect to react with a diminished ability to cope and enjoy life; and still others expect to return to pre-difficulty functioning or, even more amazingly, to a state of greater strength, wisdom, commitment and connection to life. When it comes to our ability to bounce back, we often perform to the level we have anticipated.

Understanding and accepting these realities are important steps on the path to becoming resilient. People who are resilient, who handle trouble deftly, are not lucky — they’re skilled. They have beliefs, expectations and behaviors that are adaptable and proactive. Expect that you can not only get up when you fall, but that you can turn your troubles into opportunities and growth.

Do accept the things that cannot be changed; expecting otherwise is a waste of your time and energy

It’s important when determining appropriate expectations to distinguish between what can be changed and what cannot be changed. Some folks spend entirely too much time and energy attempting to change the unchangeable. Sometimes people are not even aware that they’re pursuing the preposterous. To delude yourself into believing you can change someone or something that is immovable is a dead-end endeavor.

Accepting those things that are unyielding is entirely different from not caring or not trying to make difficult situations better or even seeking possibilities that are a stretch. By identifying and accepting what truly is unchangeable, you will conserve your energy to direct toward all the possibilities.

Do expect that negative events won’t last forever

Optimism has been researched extensively, and the findings are quite heartening. Optimism bolsters mental and physical health, supports performance excellence and success in general, and engenders a positive internal world. In other words, being an optimist makes it more likely that many of life’s gifts will be available to you. Fortunately, optimism can be learned by anyone, even those folks who’ve been pessimists for a long time!

One of the signature marks of optimism is the belief that when adversity occurs, it is not a permanent condition, that the fallout and its aftermath won’t go on indefinitely. This expectation, that the effects of negative events have a statute of limitations, offers the beleaguered person hope and confidence and reinforces action.

If something negative happens to you, check your internal dialogue about the effects that the event had on you. Do you tell yourself that the consequences of this occurrence will go on and on? If so, dispute this kind of thinking and replace it with more reasonable, adaptive estimates of how long you expect the fallout to last. It makes a huge difference to move your thinking from a permanent to a limited time frame.

Do expect that negative events will not affect other aspects of your life

Understandably, when adversity occurs, people often think that the storm will cast a very broad shadow. Another element of optimism is the belief that the effects of the negative situation are by no means pervasive, that they do not have to go beyond the specific event or challenge. If the havoc does spread, it is most likely because you expected it to do so.

When trouble comes, what do you tell yourself about collateral damage? Do you believe that other facets of your life are going to be affected by the black cloud? Assess your internal dialogue because it can be a real action stopper. Spend your mental energy focused on restricting the spread and rebounding to get back in your stride.

Hubert Humphrey, the Vice President of the United States under Lyndon Johnson, once remarked, “Oh my friend, it’s not what they take away from you that counts. It’s what you do with what you have left.”

Do expect that your positive accomplishments, and the gifts you possess, will influence your future; be alert to unexpected gifts and opportunities

Some people race past their positive accomplishments as if they’re being chased by a lion. It’s a big mistake not to savor your victories and embrace them as fuel for your ongoing journey! Another facet of optimism involves paying special attention to the things that you have accomplished, the things that are currently going well and the gifts and opportunities that come your way. The optimist has the expectation that personal achievements and positive events will increase the likelihood that the future will be bright, that they will have lasting value, that they are due to one’s efforts and abilities and that they will bring abounding sunshine.

Do expect that you will have to change your assumptions and approach if something is truly not working

Many of the clients I’ve seen over the years have had this difficulty. For whatever reason it just hasn’t dawned on them that repeating the same behavior with a consistently undesirable outcome makes no sense at all. Or in some cases it has dawned on them, but they just don’t know what to do about it. Changing their minds and their behaviors is uncomfortable. They want things to work a certain way. “If I do this, I expect the world or the other person to do that.” When that outcome does not occur, frustration and anger often ensue.

If your thinking and behavior are not leading to the conclusions you wish, try something else! It may take a number of attempts to find a more effective approach, or you may simply be barking up the wrong tree. Oh well… cut your losses!

Now that I’ve discussed what to expect of yourself, look for my companion article on expectations:  “The Thorny Maze of Expectations, Part 2 — What Not  to Expect of Yourself.”  More information on this topic is available in my most recent book on [http://www.amazon.com/Your-Little-Wagon-Strengths-Navigating/dp/097994970X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1241048518&sr=8-1]Positive Psychology, It’s Your Little Red Wagon… Six Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams), available on Amazon.com.

Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D., has spent close to three decades helping individuals thrive and improve their lives through her work as a licensed psychologist, author and life coach. An expert in human behavior and motivation, Dr. Esonis specializes in the burgeoning field of Positive Psychology, the scientific study of optimal human functioning and the core strengths that can lead to the achievement of one’s personally-defined goals.

Her most recent book, “It’s Your Little Red Wagon… 6 Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams!),” is Dr. Esonis’s contribution to the field of Positive Psychology, presenting proven success factors and strength-building techniques that can lead individuals to a life of purpose, motivation and happiness. It is available on Amazon.com.

Dr. Esonis earned her doctoral degree at Boston College and currently maintains a life coaching practice in the San Diego area. She also teaches Positive Psychology in the Extended Learning Program at California State University San Marcos. To learn more about the power of Positive Psychology and to order her latest book, visit her website at http://www.PositivePathLifeCoaching.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sharon_S._Esonis,_Ph.D.

Filed Under: Positive Psychology Tagged With:

Manage Stress, Be Happier and Healthier by Learning to Live in the Present

June 17, 2009 By Eric Putnam Leave a Comment

By Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D. -

It’s a crazy and hectic world in which we live! Time often rules over us like a malevolent dictator; we watch the clock, we try to beat the clock and, of course, we often lose to the clock. We live by calendars, appointment books, computers and palm pilots. Life seems sometimes more about putting out fires than anything else. We often reside in an environment of rigid expectations and “shoulds,” dictated by others and by ourselves. In our inner world, we shift from past pain to present distress to future trepidation.

The notion of focusing on the moment may sound like a preposterous recommendation in this hurried existence. The way things are arranged, we’re generally not encouraged to behold and smell the proverbial roses. In fact, if we were so encouraged, a lot of us would be clueless as to how to go about such a foreign endeavor. But take heart, it’s not as difficult as you might think to make changes — and the rewards are bountiful!

Learning to live in the moment (also called “mindfulness”) is a potent tool in your repertoire of effective living skills. Changing your focus to the present offers an array of gifts because the present is such a special place to be. It’s where robust and satisfying relationships are nourished and where better communication and active listening take place.

The present is where happiness can be found and where laughter, play and excitement flourish. It’s where we find out who we are, what we think and what we want. It’s where creativity takes place and performance excellence abounds.

The present is where adversities and challenges — faced head on — teach us strength and mastery. It’s where we discover that we can be subjected to pain and suffering, and yet endure, even thrive. It’s where persistence and intelligent decision-making become the norm and where problems are solved, learning takes place and memory is enhanced. It’s where we can have sensory experiences of a thousand kinds. It’s where we have the power to promote physical and mental well-being, even when the body and mind have been plagued by illness. It’s where we engender hope and aspire to fulfill dreams for the future.

Living in the present is a choice. We get to choose where our attention is directed — the past, the present or the future — and we get to decide what we tune into on those channels. We have all the wiring we need to direct the focus of our attention.

My theory is that when deciding where one’s attention should go, a 10-80-10 split is a healthy guideline: 10 percent on the past, 80 percent on the present, and 10 percent on the future. You also get to choose what you focus on in those domains. And the choice of focus is critical to how well this time is used. For example, when thinking about the past, you can choose to focus either on negative meanderings that depress you or on uplifting memories that bring inspiration and warmth. This seems to be a no-brainer to me!

A sure way to learn to live in the present is to believe the following:

It is only in the present moment that you can discern what is really happening

The moment is to be appreciated, not judged

You have a choice about where your attention is directed

You do not have to be a slave to past, present or future negative thoughts

The power belongs to you

It is important to have compassion for yourself and others

You do not have to believe what your thoughts tell you or react to them

You have so much to look forward when you learn to spend the lion’s share of your life in the present moment! Remember the words of Captain Jean-Luc-Picard in the film, Star Trek: Generations:  “Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.”

More information on living in the present can be found in my book on Positive Psychology, It’s Your Little Red Wagon… Six Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams).

Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D., has spent close to three decades helping individuals thrive and improve their lives through her work as a licensed psychologist, author and life coach. An expert in human behavior and motivation, Dr. Esonis specializes in the burgeoning field of Positive Psychology, the scientific study of optimal human functioning and the core strengths that can lead to the achievement of one’s personally-defined goals.

Her most recent book, “It’s Your Little Red Wagon… 6 Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams!),” is Dr. Esonis’s contribution to the field of Positive Psychology, presenting proven success factors and strength-building techniques that can lead individuals to a life of purpose, motivation and happiness. It is available on Amazon.com.

Dr. Esonis earned her doctoral degree at Boston College and currently maintains a life coaching practice in the San Diego area. She also teaches Positive Psychology in the Extended Learning Program at California State University San Marcos. To learn more about the power of Positive Psychology and to order her latest book, visit her website at http://www.PositivePathLifeCoaching.com

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A Simple Way to Increase Happiness

June 16, 2009 By Eric Putnam Leave a Comment

By Ron Forte -

There seems to be a lot of opinions on how to increase our levels of happiness these days. Where do you go to for reliable information? The field of Positive Psychology has opened the door to scientifically explore and test techniques that can bring us closer to the good life. I will now describe how one simple habit has been associated with an increase in:

-         happiness
-         energy
-         helpfulness and empathy
-         forgiveness
-          resilience

Furthermore, people who practise this simple technique as little as once a week have been shown to be less likely to be depressed, anxious, lonely or envious. By now, I am sure you are all wondering what can possibly achieve all these incredible results. The answer: gratitude.

Much like a bodybuilder who goes to the gym to work out his muscles, practising gratitude is like working out your exposure to positive emotions, thus increasing your positivity. The more exposure to positivity you can harness, the more benefits you will experience.

In fact, Positive Psychology researcher Barbara Frederickson has discovered that the ideal ratio of positive to negative emotions/situations we should experience is 3/1. That is, for every negative emotion/situation, we should experience three positive ones in order to tip the scale in favour of positivity.

Lucky for us, we have the power to increase our ability to experience gratitude through the use of several simple exercises. One of these exercises, which have been the focus of many different experiments, is the gratitude journal.
The use of the gratitude journal simply involves listing five things/events in a journal that you are grateful for.  These grateful moments can be anything from waking up to the smell of fresh coffee to an act of kindness someone has shown you, to anything at all. As long as its memory makes you smile and feel grateful. Although you might be tempted to write an entry in your journal on a daily basis, research from Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests that doing this exercise one to three days a week is sufficient to produce positive results.

The way to increase your feeling of gratitude and to reap the benefits is as simple as buying a personal journal or binder and to write down five things you are grateful for. Do this one to three times a week. If you have trouble sleeping, you might want to try doing this before going to bed. The warm feelings it will produce inside you may help you sleep better. If you do it in the morning, it could help you start off the day on a positive note.

You might even want to further enhance this exercise by savouring it. After you write down what you are grateful for, add another five minutes to try to relive each moment in your mind. Try to remember what was seen, what was heard, what was felt. These heartfelt moments will increase the positive effects of the exercise.

As I finish writing this article, I am grateful for being able to share this information with all of you. I hope it will help increase your levels of satisfaction and overall happiness.

For more information about Ron Forte or his Positive Psychology Life Coaching services, visit his fan page on Facebook at : http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ron-Forte-Life-Coach/49752506323?ref=ts

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Positive Psychology Coaching – Learn to Overcome Obstacles, Attain Goals, Live Life to the Fullest

June 12, 2009 By Eric Putnam Leave a Comment

By Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D. -

Most people have some idea of what the term “coaching” implies, whether it be in a sporting, business or personal context. The traditional concept of coaching has been around for a while now, and those individuals who work with a skilled coach can reap meaningful rewards in their lives and/or careers. But recently, as a result of robust scientific research into ways of maximizing human potential, an entirely new approach has emerged in this field: Positive Psychology Coaching.

What is Positive Psychology Coaching?

Simply put, Positive Psychology Coaching teaches individuals new behavioral and cognitive skills for the purpose of increasing motivation, overcoming obstacles, achieving dreamed-about goals, and making the transitions and adjustments necessary to become their best in any or all areas of life.

How Does it Differ From Other Coaching Approaches?

Positive Psychology is an empirically-based discipline that, for the past decade, has been researching and developing techniques for optimal human functioning for individuals and organizations. And the research findings are nothing short of life altering.

I’m often asked about the difference between this and other methods of coaching and/or self-help. The difference is huge! Positive Psychology is based on scientific research, while most other modes of coaching/self-help offer solutions without the science behind them. This is an extraordinarily important distinction that makes all the difference in the world in terms of outcomes.

For Whom is it Appropriate?

Anyone! But let me give you some examples of what has been discovered. You may want to pursue a coaching relationship because you’ve encountered some difficulties or disappointments in your life. The idea of discussing happiness as a goal may not be front and center for you. But what psychologists have discovered is that happiness is not just a destination, but rather a major variable that supports you in your efforts to stay motivated, be successful, have positive relationships and enjoy good health. Furthermore, Positive Psychology has identified many methods for increasing the happiness quotient in any individual. And who doesn’t want to be happy?

What Can You Look Forward to With Positive Psychology Coaching?

Those of us who specialize in this method of coaching believe that developing a person’s strengths, rather than spending inordinate amounts of time trying to correct weaknesses, is a more effective, enjoyable and efficient approach for the client. By helping you to identify your signature strengths — in other words, the strengths that feel natural to you and that you use often — you can learn to utilize them in solving problems and reaching your goals in life. And you’re very likely to have a lot of fun doing it!

You can find more information in my book, It’s Your Little Red Wagon… Six Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams), available on Amazon.com.

Copyright 2009. Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D.

Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D., has spent close to three decades helping individuals improve their lives through her work as a licensed psychologist, author and life coach. An expert in human behavior and motivation, Dr. Esonis specializes in the field of Positive Psychology, the scientific study of optimal human functioning. To learn more, visit her website at http://www.PositivePathLifeCoaching.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sharon_S._Esonis,_Ph.D.

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5 Secrets to Make Change Positive

June 9, 2009 By Eric Putnam Leave a Comment

By Maurine Patten -

Change – it seems to be all around us. Not only is it affecting your budget, it is also affecting your work environment and possibly your social and personal life. If you are not directly affected, some of your friends are. There are five secrets which will help you manage the current changes our world is going through.

Daily news reports continue to tell of changes in the economy, work force, and politics. Change can be good when you can see the benefits and feel in control. However, it can be overwhelming and contribute to feelings of being out of control when the impact is negative.

When you have a choice or “say” in the change, it usually generates positive feelings. This is especially true when you clearly see the benefits. Unfortunately, this is not true for many of the changes you may be facing at this time.

Many people I am talking to are needing to find work, reinvent themselves, and scale back their life style,  Feelings of anxiety, fear, and depression are common. These feelings make it more difficult to feel motivated, consider options, and make good decisions. While this is understandable, it does not have to be this way.

Kathryn Britton, a coach and regular contributing writer for the Positive Psychology News Daily (pos-psych.com), reminds readers that making changes often requires changing habits. This requires a keen self-awareness, effort, and perseverance. It takes many repetitions of a new behavior to stop behaviors that have become automatic.

You may be wondering where the best place to begin is. By asking yourself and answering the following five questions, you can make change positive.

1. What do you believe about the change including do you believe you can make the change? If your answer is no, try to find a different way of looking at the situation. For instance, what part of the change might be possible for you? Do you know someone who has successfully made the change? Are you willing to find out what was helpful to him or her?

2. What behavior can you change that will make reaching another goal easier? This is especially helpful if you are feeling anxious or depressed. For instance, Positive Psychology research indicates that exercise decreases stress, anxiety and sadness. Calmness opens up neural pathways making it easier to focus and learn new things. Daily meditation helps you have more control over your thoughts which reduces negative emotions and increases self control. This can make it easier to stop addictive behaviors such as smoking.

3. What has changed about your situation or your environment that might make it easier to change a habit? For instance, if your work location changes, you might not be driving by Starbucks to get your coffee. If nothing has changed in your situation, you may need to create an artificial change to build your confidence. What kind of change can you create? Do you need to make another change first to build your confidence? Maybe you can create a change by not purchasing unhealthy food. This makes it easier for you to follow a healthy eating plan.

4. How can you use your strengths at work and in your personal life? Martin Seligman, a leading researcher in Positive Psychology, believes it is sometimes necessary to work hard to manage a weakness to prevent failure. However, it does not help you reach excellence. Which of your strengths can you rely on to make change positive for you?

5. How can you be hopeful about your future? Remember, hope is a realistic assessment of a situation. When you are hopeful, you choose to focus on the chance there will be a positive outcome and on the small steps needed to be successful. For instance, instead of focusing on the problem, are you willing to seek solutions? Yes, the problem needs to be identified. Then you need to focus on looking for solutions. “I am out of work” identifies the problem. “These are steps I will take while I am looking for employment” focuses on solutions.

Making change positive is often easier with social support. Be sure to be in contact with people who are supportive of you and show you respect. Having a friend or group to check in with helps establish accountability.

It is possible to make change positive for yourself. What you believe about the change will affect the choices you make. There are behaviors you can change that make reaching your goals easier. Creating a change, if none is there, makes it easier to change a habit. Using your strengths helps keep you focused and happier. During change, being hopeful is highly correlated with productivity and well being.

Which of the five questions will you use to make sure the changes you are going through are positive?

Maurine Patten, Ed.D, CMC, Maximize Your Possibilities

Mail to:  mdpcoach@pattencoaching.com

To find more articles and information about how to handle change or a transition go to:
http://www.pattencoaching.com

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The Positive Psychology of Gratitude

June 5, 2009 By Eric Putnam Leave a Comment

By Julia Barnard -

Gratitude is about having an awareness of and appreciation for the good things in your life and not taking them for granted. It is about acknowledging the kindness of others. As such, it helps us recognise that we are not solitary creatures and that others have helped and supported us along the way. Gratitude is an important character strength that is strongly correlated with happiness. It is a very positive emotion; after all it is hardly likely that a person can feel bitter, angry and resentful at the same time as feeling grateful. So to be able to experience this emotion more of the time can only be a good thing. As well as increasing our happiness, being grateful ensures we look after ourselves, our relationships and our things.

Gratitude is often regarded as a spiritual act and indeed is embraced by many religions. However, many positive psychology researchers have been investigating the science of gratitude and how engaging in gratitude activities can enhance happiness. What is emerging is that gratitude is not just for the spiritual, it is an intervention that can be beneficial to us all. For instance, research by Seligman found participants who wrote a gratitude letter to someone they had never properly thanked were happier and less depressed one month later compared to those who had simply written about an early memory. Lyubomirsky’s research was even able to show that writing gratitude letters for just 15 minutes a week for 8 weeks were happier 6 months later. Other research has shown gratitude is associated with better life satisfaction, increased social support and may help prevent stress and depression.

Increased awareness of the good things and people in your life amplifies them so you come to see the world differently. Nothing has changed, just your attitude. There are a number of ways to go about this and they are not difficult to do.

Say thank you on a regular basis.

Keep a journal. Spend a few minutes each day reflecting and writing about the good things in your life. Try to notice things you would normally take for granted.

Consider all the different areas of your life. List the things you are grateful for in that area. For example with work, you are grateful you only have a 20 minute commute to work.

Write a letter of gratitude to someone who has made a positive impact on your life. If you can, send it to them. Even better, read it to them.

Each day write down three good things about your life.

Step back and appreciate what you have. Such regular reflection can help prevent you taking your life for granted.

Recall a bad event and how you got through it.

Look for other people’s good deeds and know that the world is better for that act. Express your gratitude – whether privately or publicly.

Reflect on how your life would be if you didn’t have the people in it that you do have. Recognise how much poorer your life would be.

Copyright Julia Barnard 2009
Julia Barnard is a professional counsellor living in Adelaide, Australia. She provides an online counselling service through her website . To get more happiness tips on your homepage or website, she has created a Google gadget.

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